Ian Holloway on cricket:
No. I don't like cricket. It takes far too long and if the batsman just blocks it... how boring's that?
I think it's an old man's game. I hated it when I was a kid and I don't like it now. I don't dislike any cricketers, it's just a game I find absolutely earth-shatteringly boring! I can understand the last Ashes were brilliant and I'm sure it's a wonderful game if you like it - but it's not my bag. I like a bit of action.
As I see it, when the bowler bowls the ball, he walks back and the rest of the team, who are standing around not doing much, throw the ball around to each other. Then he gets it back and rubs it on his groin.
I've always been a bit worried about a game that lets its players do that in public. Why you'd want to ruin a lovely pair of white trousers by putting a red crease down the middle on your crotch I'll never know.
I played for my school in a tournament once. I was a bowler but I didn't really know the rules. I was bowling all right and if I'd appealed I would have got out the best bloke in the opposite team with my third ball.
I looked at the umpire but because I didn't ask him the question, the bloke carried on batting and he wupped us.
I've hated the game ever since. If you've got umpires there, why do you have to shout for it? You wouldn't have to wait for a referee to blow for a penalty, would you? Everybody appeals for absolutely everything and I didn't know that. I thought it was a load of bull.
He's still got it.