May 2, 2007

random blog entry

Hola. Once more, not been online long enough to blog in the last week. Everyday mundane stuff like coke and hookers have got in the way. We won at Boro. Three points. Three games left, two at home. Have to win all three, which could see us finish 5th. Some of that thank you very much. And maybe next season we can look at winning consistently at away from home and make sure we only lose to one or two at home (preferably none, but I'm sure Man Utd will rape us like we've been hit with Rohypnol).

Oh, and my usual request for Robbo to lose a few pounds and for Jol to spend some $$$ on a left-back and centre-back should get another mention. Should mention the volley by Berbatov. If he's sold in the summer, I'll cry like a bitch.


Is apparently the new Spurs shirt. Compared to this season, there isn't that much of a change to warrant any true 125th anniversary hype. Though compared to some other 2008 replicas, I think ours is relatively snazzy in comparison.

Special mention to Chelsea. HA! Justice tbh. Jose has acted the cunt in recent days with some of the utter crap he's spouted (the class comment relating to Ronaldo and his family lacked any form of class). But then class isn't something you associate with Chelsea. Not historically. The only downside of all this is that we might have to put up with Liverpool 'winning it 6 times'.

Need to sleep now.


Apr 29, 2007

Its all gone Donkey Kong!

Football, turns you inside out more than anything on this planet (excluding women). Just ask any Chelsea fan.

First I had the usual pre-game tension...except bigger than usual...chain-smoking, hitting the vodka...hard.

Everton score...nice...can't really believe my prediction of an Everton win is actually going to happen...calm down, long way to go.

Bolton score...hmm, never mind, long way to go, we've been here before...

We score - Elation. C'mon now.

We score again - FKN AVE IT...We can do this...c'mon now Everton, hang on

Half-time : Level on points, we're going to win the League

5 mins later, fk me, Everton are 2-0's coming home alright.

5 mins later, fk you Davies, fk you Essien...nah, not a prob, we've still got plenty of time to nick our recent trademark late winner

7 minutes later, bolloxs, United are coming back...

7 minutes later, you fkn idiot Neville...realisation is starting to dawn...

10 mins from the end and United take the, fk, fk...we don't look like we're going to break Bolton down here...

Final whistle at the Bridge = Abject. Destroyed. TV off, Internet off. Vodka hammered.


A Great Day


Apr 25, 2007

First blood to Jose

If Chelsea win the quadruple, no doubt he will request all four trophies to be melted down and then sculptured perfectly into a statue of his likeness, which he will then demand to have placed in his bedroom, where each night he can gently kiss his metallic lifeless doppelganger, whispering to it and caressing its cold hard exterior whilst basking in the fact that he truly is the omnipotent king of the universe.


Apr 24, 2007

Just shut the fuck up

The two sanctimonious smug cunts on ITV are the worst. In addition they have David Pleat who, cleverly tricks you into inviting his voice into your living room (Good evening everybody) as you reach for your control, not fully understanding why you are turning the volume up and not switching over.

Slowly but surely, Pleat inflicts the listening viewers to a slow death, brain hemorrhage the result as they struggle to keep up with the creation of new ungrammatical sentences and mis-pronounced names.

I get confused with the two ITV lead commentators. I know one of the two loves Man Utd like a brother loves his sister in Burnley. What is obvious is that they are both quite obviously skilled, as its a difficult and rare talent to be able to describe the action on the pitch whilst choking on the metaphorical girth of the English team playing. It's not even commentary. Its like one prolonged ear bleeding induced sonnet, felched from Satan's arse.

ITV = horrible smug nonsense. May as well have Robbie Earl and his cotton bud on screen for 90 minutes screaming "WE ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE A GAME OF FOOTBALL ON THIS CROCK OF SHIT CHANNEL".

BBC are also quite poor, but not to the extent of ITV. Seems Motty has gone the way of Junior Soprano. Verbally fidgeting high pitch wailing sounds and self-correcting mumbling. Repeating himself, getting players names wrong, asking daft questions which means having to listen to The Lawro state 'I told you so' countless times in 90 minutes. Its all gone pear-shaped at the Beeb.

Jon Pearce, we get it chief. You have eyes. And you can see. Praise the lord! We don't need to fucking hear you describe everything....every single incident....with profound effect and detail. We get it. Player A passed the ball to Player B. It's not fucking rocket science. They didn't just split the atom. Get a grip man. This isn't Capital Gold and there are no kung-fu kicks into the stands. Your glory days are over.

We also now have a woman commentating on Match of the Day. What next? Monkey Tennis World Cup?

And let's not forget our friends at Sky Sports. Andy Gray, the proverbial football slut of digital TV. One week he's tickling the balls of Manchester United. The next, blowing cum bubbles with Chelsea. He's had Arsenal too. And snogged Liverpool a few times. Shouldn't be surprising as he does like playing with knobs. Yes Andy, hindsight and several thousand pounds worth of playback freeze frame technology makes you the Oracle. Which, I'm guessing, makes Martin Tyler, Neo.

And there are others. If his heart stops pumping adrenalin it will be the day Jaime Redknapp dies.

Richard Keys, not a commentator, but worth a mention as it appears he has waxed his hands and arms. Be proud of your ape heritage! Fuck it.......its too late. You manics! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!


Half-time at White Hart Lane

Credit to a member of the COYS forum (I'll add his name once I have it). Good work fella.

Arsenal dressing room:

Wenger - "Right listen closely this is what we will do. Tottenham will try and defend their lead and hang on for one nil, [suppressing a laugh] they try this every year. Their CBs will camp out on the edge of their penalty area, they already started this behaviour as soon as they scored. We now have 3 in central midfield versus their two so Diaby and Gilberto, push on and occupy Jenas and Zokora. That combined with their defence dropping too deep will allow Fabregas the freedom of the pitch and allow him to run the midfield. Eboue and Clichy, you two can push on and occupy their wide midfielders, Fabregas will always find you when he has time on the ball. Lennon is no threat on the left and has been told not to leave Rocha unprotected anyway. Tainio will leave his position on the right to try and help out in the centre once they realise they are overrun. Our CBs can push right up as neither Berbatov or Keane are quicker than Toure. And remember, you are all fitter than them and they will tire."

Arsenal Players - "Yes boss."

Tottenham dressing room:

Jeans - "Cracking goal Robbie."
Keane - "Thanks mate."
Lennon - "Who's up for clubbing tonight?."
Jenas - "I'm in."
Jol - "Hey, settle down lads. Listen to me. We can win this 1-0."
Berbatov - "But we never keep a clean sheet, surely we must look for the second goal?"
Jol - "Don't worry, I know what I am doing. We can still score a second from a set piece."
Berbatov - "But we never score goals from set pieces and we already got lucky from one once today. We don't even practise them."
Jol - "Don't worry Berbatov, I know what I am doing. Now, Lennon, you're having a great game. Eboue hasn't had a run at Rocha once yet. Keep doing whatever it is you're doing out there on the left."
Berbatov - "But he hasn't done anything? Not one dribble, not one shot, not one cross. He should play on the right."
Jol - "Don't worry Berbatov, I know what I am doing. Now, Jenas and Zokora, great game, you dominated the midfield first half."
Zokora - "But they brought Fabregas on, they have an extra man, we need help."
Jol - "Don't worry, Tainio will come inside and help out, and Robbie will try and stop the ball getting to Fabregas."
Berbatov - "That plan didn't work in the two cup games against them did it?"
Jol - "Don't worry, I know what I am doing. Anything to add Chris?"
Hughton - "Yeah, I've drawn a really nice picture of you boss."
Jol - "That is great work little man".

from COYS


Apr 23, 2007

18 and still counting

If you left White Hart Lane in the 90th minute and missed the Jenas goal, don't fret. I'm sure Spurs will be releasing the Special Edition DVD of the game, including the directors cut ending where Jenas adds another goal in the 97th minute (the directors cut ending is included in narrative format only and accompanied with black and white illustrations of the alternative fictional finale. DVD extras also include a construction of what the open-top bus parade would have looked like).

It was a poor second half performance. Post-match hype from Robbie Keane (we proved this that and the other - read tonights Standard) does not hide the fact that we appeared to do nothing but sit back and invite Arsenal to attack in the second forty-five. Sorry Robbie, but we were plain lucky to get a point. It wasn't so much painful but typical to witness. Same old, same old. Shame really as the first 45 minutes was not too bad. 1-0 to the good and creating chances, though Arsenal still looked dangerous.

Jol's team talk at half-time. I wish I was a fly on the wall. "Go out there, and play shit" must have been the war cry from the big man. "Play shit? I do that every week, guv", responds the shy Jenas.

No chance however this match can be used as a gauge to display the differences between the two clubs. We all know they have better quality overall and play to a system that's been in the making for a decade. Head-start is an understatement. At the end of last season, I said Spurs would compete for 4th spot. An Arsenal fan said no chance, and that the blip that allowed us to sit pretty in 4th for 4 months would never happen again because Arsenal would shift up a couple of levels.

Season 2008?

Well, Arsenal, in comparison to their 'standards' and what their fans expect, have been relatively average. Sure, the fancy quick passing football is still there. The brilliant young players also. But if you believe their fans, injuries have meant top 2 or 3 has been out of their reach. When in reality, they are simply not as good as they were. But still good enough to have a second successive average season (in the Prem) but still finish 4th. And still in a healthy position to become better and (ouch) as good as previous years. Credit to Wenger. Again I hear that next year, they wont have another blip.

I'm going to be a little bit dramatic here (hold onto your hats).

Whether it be Spurs or whoever, someone other than the current top four HAS to finish in the top four next season. Obviously, I'm hoping (expecting) that Arsenal are once more the weakest and thus the most catchable. And I'm looking at Spurs at claiming that spot.


Because we have no other choice.

We had a poor start and a poor Christmas. We've had plenty of decent Cup runs. Players (like Zokora and Berbatov) are settling into Prem life. Jol (if he couldn't before he can now) can see what HAS to be done during the summer. Both in player selection (and transfers) and his own personal tactical ploys - especially away from home.

4th spot has to go to Tottenham next season. The players have to genuinely believe it. I'm not asking for much, am I?

Well, if we don't make it then the likes of Berbatov will dancing a jig of joy celebrating another goal for Man Utd by the 2009 season.

I'm being a little broad (with my dramatics). Spurs have improved this season in some areas but (as previous blogs etc state and if you've watched us this season) we will have ongoing issues to resolve (the left side, set pieces, choking against the big clubs in big games). And breeding winners means having to win in the first place. Catch 22. But again, if you compare us against the top 4 today and then look back 4 or 5 years, there has been improvement. The final gulf is always going to be a bitch. Especially with players nowadays looking to jump ship to pick up their silverware the easy (and only) way.

But when do you (as a fan) stop saying 'we have to do this' in order to compete for the top 4? When do you come to the conclusion that the gulf is impossible to get across? Well, for all you West Ham fan's, there's no fucking way I'm going give up. Football, for 95% of all clubs is about dreams. Mine are in black and white and in the 60's. I want to fucking upgrade to HDTV and this century.

As I said, 'broad'. See next season, Arsenal might hit big time form again and suddenly become a player in the race for the title. If that happens then hoping Man Utd, Chelsea or Liverpool drop a level is like asking for Robbo to save a shot from 30 yards.

And the 'best' players will always sign for the 'big' clubs. But you don't need to spunk money on the Ballacks and Shevs of this world. Hate to say it, but look at the Goons. Cheap buys = world class players. It's a big ask isn't it, competing against Romans cash, Wengers know-how, Liverpool's history and Man Utd's franchise.

Which means 5th may will be the only option, unless the 'self belief' carries itself off with a nice little miracle. 5th, wouldn't complain, would you? But it would then mean greater emphasis on winning the League Cup or FA Cup or hopefully the UEFA Cup.

(though 5th would be nice this season too).

Giving up, and just admitting we will never catch anyone would mean the club wouldn't bother trying. All you can do is hope. And pray. And wait. One thing can change everything. Just ask Man Utd fans and Arsenal fans.

There's no delusions of grandeur here. I'm not stating we deserve 4th spot. I'm not stating we are a big club (sorry 'ammers fans). What I'm saying is, its about fucking time the players shut the fuck up about 'we're nearly there' so that me and other yids can also shut the fuck up with our what-has-to-be-done and what-jol-needs-to-do lists.

TO DARE IS TO DO............well fucking do it then if you want the glory.

Two seasons on the trot now, and both have been progressive rather than transitional. Season three has to have a new arc, otherwise the network might can it.


Apr 20, 2007

Getting it right

Its been a tough week or so. That's personally, hence lack of blog entries. Was aiming to comment on several TopSpurs articles, but found myself lacking any kind of time. Made worse is the fact that my crock of shit pc is about die on me. Also, the weather means more time spent in beer gardens taking snapshots of thighs and upskirts. So, what's been happening in the world of Spurs?

Wigan away. 3-3. I was at a B-B-Q at the time, reaching into my pocket every so often to pull out (ooh matron) my mobile, laughing at the text goal alerts. Heskey FFS. This game more or less displays our lack of depth when we lost the odd defender. Need to sort this out in a big way come the summer. This summer, we may have smacked in the goals at one end, but we continue to leak them the other way. Partly due to gravity-defying Robinson who somehow manages to remove his feet from the ground below. To no avail of course. Just how many more times will he get beat from distance? Very poor season from Robbo. Needs some comp. Needs a prolonged 'rest' on the bench. Doubt Jol will drop him though.

With Chelsea and Utd getting into the Cup Final, it means 7th is enough for the UEFA Cup - and 8th (if we finish there) will take us into the Inter-Toto. Please. Stop laughing now. But Europe is Europe, and with Berbatov's 'war cry' - its a subtle hint that every season has to produce progression and anything below the standard of the previous isn't good enough. Simply put, if we fail next season - the likes of Berbs and Lennon will move on. Fact of life these days. Take Carrick as the ultimate example, using us a stepping-stone to get a move to Utd. And you can't really blame him. A footballers life is a short one, and in this modern age if you are not one of the current big 4 then you are unlikely to pick up silverware. It's that harsh.

I probably will return to the TopSpurs articles, as they serve well as examples of the other type of Spurs fans (the one's that are nothing like me). So, I wont linger too much on a season review just yet.

Tomorrow, its the North London Derby. Robbie Keane is injured. Which means Defoe upfront with Berbs. If there was a moment in time that the lickle man had a chance to prove himself, this is it. I think we wont be seeing him in a Lilywhite shirt next season. And tbh, he needs to move on to re-ignite his career. Not that Spurs have stopped him progressing, but more the case that Defoe can't really progress that much due to lack of a footballing brain. Maybe someone else, manager and club, can get something extra out of him. Our defence is still not a full strength, so if we do our Keystone cops routine and Arsenal don't (in front of goal) then it's not going to be an enjoyable afternoon.

On the other hand, we have to win. Its been too long, and with this game having less pressure than previous encounters with the scum this season, we might actually avoid choking. I've said this about 50 times this season.....Spurs (the players) owe us (the fans) something to sing about. I've enjoyed this year and apart from the 2-1 v Chelsea game, I personally need something more to gloat about. Arsenal are always going to be a bunch of c*nts to play against. And even without Henry, they can produce the goods. Yes, they are not that good on recent form and are in no way formidable. However, they have the ability to ooze confidence and arrogance - which we lack.

So, once more - I ask.....'Lets be 'aving you'. 12:45 kick-off, which means most of the drinking will be done after the game. Let's hope its naked dancing on the bar rather than drowning my sorrows under it.